Searching for a place of my own
by Mommy Silver
Summary: Rufus, at the age of nine, is sick and tired of the life as the Shinra-heir. Ensured of the fact that he won't miss anyone or anything except for his mother he never got to know, he leaves in search of her family. Or will he miss anyone?


**Summary**: Rufus still dreams of a family at the age nine, when things such as celebrating a next birthday matters, when a hug from dad matters and when growing up as a mentally healthy boy really matters. Stripped away from such, he runs off to find his mother's family.

**POV: **Rufus at the age of nine

**A/N**: I'm not sure when Rufus met with Dark Nation but I just put it in here though…

**Chapter 1**: Sir

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'Sir.'

In perfect unison three Turks saluted and stated the word "Sir" when I entered the room, accompanied by my father who almost had to push me in. I didn't want to, but according to Dad, I am a grown man now.

I doubt it if Dark Nation's presence can make me feel comfortable here. The huge Cuahl followed me even here, the constant rumbling of his deep breathing soothing my tensed nerves just a little.

Gazing a little frightened over my shoulder I saw Dad looking down upon me. That made me actually more nervous than I already was. It was this cold harsh look with absolutely no love or affection in it whatsoever.

Even though I was nine years old, I knew his reputation by heart. He was… dangerous is actually a phrase to put it nice. More likely he was a constant threat to anyone who even dared to oppose him, or look at him. Anyone who got in his way, in what manner possible, was sure to die a horrific death and any records present would be destroyed as if this person never existed.

They called me Sir. Father insisted, most likely. You should have seen the looks upon their faces when I was first introduced to them. That little moment, probably less than a nanosecond, of surprise and wander that crossed their faces as they were supposed to call me, a nine year old brat, Sir, before they all returned to those stern unreadable Turk-faces and accepting it like it was just a job.

But that is what made me feel uncomfortable too.

One is over 9 years older than me: a loudmouthed red head who doesn't know what a Turk uniform looks like; just too sloppy to be a Turk and yet, next to Tseng, the best there is.

The other is called my "wet nurse" as he is already called by my father. A runaway Wutaian, or an outcast because he is working for my dad. Yes, I know such stuff too.

The third has skin as dark as my dark brown leather shoes. I don't know where he is from.

No Turk has a past. No Turk has a family. Turks are their only family they'll ever had and will have. No Turk grows old. No Turk gets married or pregnant or divorced. No Turk ever dies. They simply don't exist.

These three guys had the power to terminate my puny little meaningless life if Dad would ever give them such an order. They would carry it out immediately and without questioning my Dad for such an order.

Dark Nation settled at my feet, sitting like a good dog and whopping his tail slightly against my legs. Probably he felt my discomfort and tried to tell me this way that I am not alone in this one. Absentminded I stroke his fur and got a rough lick back as a form of appreciation. The animal, enhanced by Hojo and still untamed, somehow accepted me as his friend and guards me since that dreadful day. Somewhere between the "Sir" part and thinking about Turks, he got up on all fours and stretched himself lazily, yawning to show off his large canines and enormous powerful jaws and body. It made me feel safe, guarded, that this creature appreciated my attention.

Sometimes I wish mom and dad had made siblings for me. Brothers to play with, sisters to tease. Sometimes I wish mom didn't leave me all alone here. Dad says she died when she gave birth to me. So, she did leave, to a place I cannot reach her, the Lifestream. Sometimes I wish I went with her. Than at least I would have had my mother and probably a lot of unborn brothers and sisters to play with.

Cold and calculated as a Turk I shook their hands, sharing my name with them. Useless, since they all know my name, when and where I was born, my current height and weight, my ambitions and what cartoons I secretly watch when Dad or Tseng weren't looking. They probably even knew about the adult magazines I hid underneath my bed.

Dark Nation followed wherever I went; I enjoyed the fact that all of them wanted to take a fair step back as the large predator followed me around. Purring soft he nonchalantly begun washing a paw, whist observing the three Turks with his big green eyes: "I warn you… I may look sweet, but one wrong move and I will kill you all." He seemed to tell them.

So now I am Mr. Shinra junior, nine fucking years old and over 1,20 meters tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, pale skin and to become a Turk to protect my father and the business.

Would they even know my shoe size? Of course they do!

For I was stuffed in a pristine new blue costume made Turk uniform with costume made shoes right away by Tseng. How annoying the man can be. No more TV for me. No more potato chips with paprika flavor and soda drinks on the couch watching my Dad's secret playboy channel. Tseng probably knew that too… or it's good blackmail.

No. It's useless, blackmail on my Dad. He's just a lousy father who only sees money in everyone and everything and can even turn the darkest event in his advance. He'd probably seen money in me too! Oh wow… the joy. Not.

When Dark Nation, my pet and friend, freed himself from Hojo's lab, the entire Shinra facility was evacuated. My dad however, thought it was fun to get rid of me in a "Turkish" accident-like way by having me killed by Dark Nation.

I still see those large green eyes reflect the faint light peering through the blinds into my room, the dark shadow that moved towards me whilst I lay in my bed with a cold. Staring at him, I stretched my hand and begun to make a sspsspsspssp-ing sound, that seemed to calm both him and me. We were both afraid, more of each other than of the consequences.

Carefully he stepped forward to my hand and allowed me to stroke his massive head. It's when I first heard that soft purr, that lovely sound of appreciation and care. Closing his eyes and leaning into my touch, he climbed onto the bed and rested himself next to me, often giving me a slobbery lick at the face, making me actually… laugh.

Thus we were found the next morning, me caring for the large canine and the large canine caring for me. The poor SOLDIERS run for their lives as Dark Nation came bolting out of my room and chased them down to the elevators whilst I followed the large animal and hugged him, much to my fathers disapproval.

But tonight things will change. I'm not that little prick like anyone holds me for. I have feelings you know? When Dad rejects me for showing off my good grades – again – I cry myself asleep that night, hugging Dark Nation. When Dad said I didn't do a good job at the gym, I cry… yes, I cry a lot. When Dad refuses to know what I did at private school I go to the gym and beat the crap out of a sand bag. Yes, I can get angry. Yes I feel pain, both emotional and physical. Yes, I do feel joy, when Reno does something silly again and making me giggle and laugh all over. Yes, I do feel excitement when Rude plays one of his "magic" tricks with coins and cards. Yes, I do feel. I have FEELINGS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

Silent Dark Nation sat in the corner watching me run around my room with interest. His head slightly tilted and a soft purr in his rumbling breath the huge canine begun licking a paw as if he didn't care whether I would live or die as I forgot to give him all the attention he needed. Somehow I wonder, should I take him with me, or not? Reaching into the refrigerator in my small kitchen – yes, I had to make my own meals – I took out a few slices cold meat for my friend and gave it to him with pat on his head.

Perhaps I should take him with me. If I leave him here, he would become Hojo's experiment again, and I would miss him dreadfully. Or Dad would shoot him. That was something I couldn't allow to happen. Dark Nation had to come along.

I have a life, a future, somewhere in the distance. The only thing I have to do, is to go for it, to reach my goals and achieve whatever I want to achieve in life!

My bag is stuffed. Not like you see in those silly movies where kids stuff their bags with they favorite cuddly wuddly teddy bear (I have had none, Dad thinks it will make me soft and all) and with lots and lots of cakes and pies and sweet drinks (although I would want to have a birthday cake once in a while, let's say: every year on my birthday for instance? I am your kid for crying out loud!)

As the next Turk in training I have had this training of computer hacking. Silly them! I use it against them! Cheery I hacked my way into the system days ago under Reeve's supervision and got the SOLDIER and the Turk work schedules, including their positions in and surrounding the building and park. That wasn't so hard, or so I thought. Reeve actually praised me – does that still exist? – with my achievements and I felt a little guilty for leaving the guy. But then again, he wouldn't mind if I would leave. I heard him talking to some other Turks about my existence and he for sure doesn't like me being here.

So I decided to continue. Imprinting the information in my memory I left with a packed backpack.

Quietly I moved through the building, avoiding security camera's, Turks and SOLDIERS. Following my steps as usual Dark Nation went wherever I went, keeping me safe as we both made our way downstairs and outside the building. The great General Sephiroth trotted through the corridors with an arrogance only such a perfect SOLDIER can have, surrounded by several SOLDIERS and a few Turks. Like that guy needed protection! Or they were his groupies…

Careful we got out of the building. And out of the park surrounding it. And away from everyone and everything! We were free to go wherever we wanted to go to! I wanted to go skiing and snowboarding at the Icicle Inn and Northern Crater! I wanted to go to Corel city! I wanted to go to…

FACEPALM!!

I need transportation for that…

I have had no transportation and not enough money in my hand to buy myself transportation. So much for preparations.

There's only money on my bank account and hell no any bank employee would give money to a nine year old kid without parental approval. A nine year old prick with no money and no shelter, no nothing, alone on the streets, what a way of running away.

Second thing was that I was too young to drive anything, even though I was capable of keeping such a gyro bike most SOLDIERS first class used under control. Not for long though because of the power of the monster machines, but I was capable of it.

Well… I made it this far. Cheery I put one foot in front of the other and repeated this over and over again, until I found myself walking somewhere south, cheery and singing silly stupid songs to myself. At least I had my feet.

Ruffling his fur along the way I noticed Dark Nation to open up a bit more. He begun to act more like a dog than a Cuahl; as I threw sticks around he brought them back to me. Playing fetch he brought them back to me, wagging his tail and pushing me over as he stood on his hind legs to slobber my face. Giggling madly as he did so I tumbled backwards and landed on my back, with the huge canine towering over me licking my face even more with that rough tongue of his.

'get off me, silly beast.' Oh my, did I just say a friendly thing to him? Well, it's because I can say it now! No father to punish me for showing such weakness, no father to punish Dark Nation for showing affection towards me. No nobody to say I shouldn't do this or that. Just me and Dark Nation. And that darn hungry stomach of mine rumbling constantly.

So just in case, I rationed my own food and water to a minimum. Two sandwiches a day and half a bottle of water. Dark Nation was very capable of hunting and killing his own meals; it brought back the beast in the animal as he lashed his huge fangs into the slender neck of a wild Chocobo. We both needed the food, for it was a long, long, long way to whatever place I wanted to go to and… I could go and see my mother's family! They lived somewhere south!

Happier than ever I walked and walked. Not passing any highways or roads for I considered them forbidden territory. Those meddlesome Turks would stop any moving vehicle that could contain and transport little me to any place possible, so I walked through forests and past vast beautiful fields of flowers and astonishing grasslands.

But then night set in. My feet hurt from walking – I never walked this much, only from my room to the elevator and from the elevator twelve floors up to my dad's office, accompanied by Tseng.

When I would have been exhausted by Dad's ranting or beating, Tseng allowed me – Dad wanted to see me walking out for it would make me a strong boy – to walk to the elevator, but then carried me to my bed when back on my floor again.

Often did he tend my bruised and battered body. Like a mother would take care for her son. Perhaps my mother's family could take care for me like mom would have done. Somehow Dark Nation must have sensed this, for he moved back and suddenly dashed forward, between my legs, sliding me onto his back. Clinging tightly onto his fur in the back of his neck, he dashed away in the darkness with me as a passenger. I felt the deep rumbling of his breath as his paws leapt forward, his massive paws working hard underneath the two of us

It turned out into a happy day dream when I attempted to start this small campfire and roast a few marsh mellows above the fire. Not much of a dinner but at least something. The roast cheese and ham sandwiches weren't that tasty either. Or I shouldn't have smeared butter on them… Or… I came to see that my planning went a bit wrong – again – when I discovered that I had forgotten a blanket or a sleeping bag. Or to ask Tseng where my mother's family lived. Or Reeve to let me play with those funny robotic kittens of his.

Or… I just missed them. Heck! I missed those stern faced Turks more than I missed my father!

Reeve who was always there to pat me on the head and let me play with one of those robo-kittens and get me all laughing and giggling over nothing.

Tseng who smiled content when I showed him this A+ I earned for a test and tell me fairy tales of his home country to teach me moral.

Reno who was always there to bother me even more than usual when I earned an F- for failing a test and then cheering me up again when he spoke about his achievements with the ladies in local pubs.

Rude who helped me out – I am really scrawny – in the gym, acting like I was actually beating him in kick-boxing when I needed to vent my frustration and making me laugh when he lost from scrawny little me.

Yes… I missed them all.

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